its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
