I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
