I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
