I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
