where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
