why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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