Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
