He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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