Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
