If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
