I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
