wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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