Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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