i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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