i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I want you more than these girls want KFC
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
