Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
