so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
