Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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