omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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