i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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