so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
