my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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