We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
