I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There r osticjed everywhere
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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