her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize