i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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