Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
