My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
that's an acceptable place to lick
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
