well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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