I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
