And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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