I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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