Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
