There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When did angry sex become our thing?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
