I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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