Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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