the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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