Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
