i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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