Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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