Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He has the fingertips of a God
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