If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
