You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
