I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
