oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
