I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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