I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
