im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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