I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
