There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
