Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.