Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.