Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.