I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So much rum. So many feels.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.