Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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