The maid of honor just puked.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
