My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
