plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
