Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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