Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
